Sam described himself as a 5”11 Athletic mixed race, Tantric sex loving man, who works in fashion. During pre date emails, it became apparent he was pretty wealthy, confident, new to online dating AND could get me a dress from work if I needed one!!! To which I politely declined, thinking 'do they even have size 12 at fashion shows!!' - much to my fellow datress's dismay!
“Say yes to the dress” – SHE YELLED in frustration. “OK OK, if he offers again its all fucking yours darrrrling :-)”
I crossed the cobbled street towards the shadowed stranger. The ground was uneven, but knowing Sam would be assessing my catwalk style approach, I wiggled my hips and floated, stumbling very elegantly only once! He commented how much he loved my shoes, so he must have noticed the very unrefined walk, but hey, I have never been good in heals! (this is where I wish I could say they were 4 inch louboutins.. as opposed to 2 inch nameless beauties, but hey ho, my new boyfriend is in fashion darling, the future looked bright!
Sam was handsome in person, he wore a worldly square chiselled face, with nice clothes and a friendly smile, so I felt confident as we popped around the corner to a pub to become better acquainted. He was a mix of Italian and Indian, and I must say it was probably a 50% mix, and it was a good one! I liked that he ordered a soft drink due to the fact he was driving, I however stuck with the reliable slickness of a large white wine to calm the nerves!!!
He was chatty and kinda interesting, he predictably said the words 'fucking' and 'darling' consistently, as forewarned by a fellow fashionista, but his tales of catwalk antics and behind the scene goings on kept me intrigued, and we talked easily before moving on to another pub. I would say he talked more about him than he asked about me, but I gave him some grace, as nerves can do funny things to different people. But I made sure I told him enough to keep him intrigued, and made sure he could see how witty and sharp I was, and of course I purred and giggled cutely enough to remind him I was sexy! I did also feel the need to tell him about the wonders of curry pasta haha, which he found very amusing!
Sam gradually sat closer and closer, and his hand frequented my knee more and more often. I wasn't sure what I thought of him, but at this point, I decided I would definitely meet him again. he was pleasant company. That and an offer to take me to Dubai, on an all expenses paid trip in May, how could I not see him again! ;-)
He had mentioned in his profile his love of Tantric sex and he refereed to sex often enough that I figured talking about it would be natural and not really seedy. The conversation went a little bit like this...
“SO... Tantric huh... wow, how do you do that, it must be really hard not letting yourself cum!!!” (I have so much tact on a 1st date)
“No you can cum, just after a long time.”
“But I thought it was unclean to do that, isn't that the whole principle??”
“No, only the gurus that live in the mountains practise it like that..”
“Hummmm OK, so, the weathers been great today hasn't it!!!”
and the conversation continued...
3 wines later......
I may have let Sam snog me in the bar.. I don't think I had much of a say in the matter, but I was pleased that he at least knew how to kiss. And at this point I knew he was poking at my weaknesses and I wondered where the evening would take us. Not only was he poking my weaknesses but he was now poking my leg, on purpose, to which I had to say “YES I know you have a hard on!!” (shocking) lol.
He offered to drive me home, and having lubricated my liver with copious and nervous swigs of wine, I thought why not. I told him to expect nothing, but I didn't mind him staying.
Mistake number 1....
DONT SAY: EXPECT NOTHING - IN A FLIRTY WAY!!!!!!!
We arrived home, he liked my flat, sat down, pulled me down next to him, kissed me hard, and then harder and then harder, you get the point... hands everywhere, up, under, around, it took all of my strength to get him to back off!
I was quickly realising that he wasn't as buff as his picture suggested which I suspect is at least 3 years old!! and poking out of his shirt was........ HAIR! (Yes hair... I know what you all were thinking tut tut) HUMMMMMM not a clean shaven six pack then!?
I managed to retain the control and made it clear that he should forget his intentions, to which he sulked, before giving up and deciding to go home!
YAY
MISTAKE 2: DONT FORGET TO ASK HOW RECENT PICS ARE! Stuff changes over the years, its called gravity!
It was only his sexy eyes and cute smile that got him that far, it was his hairy, aggressive nature that got him all the way home though!
TSH MEN!
Another one bites the dust!! NEXT!
No comments:
Post a Comment